User blog:THEJJRAT/Spaghetti meatball
some story There he was, Scoot. Sitting down in spawn, drinking Nuka Cola and cleaning his australium scattergun. He was a good chap, a bit naive, and sometimes goes overboard when he sees someone stealing from Pizza Rollgineers. He had just returned from work, and by work I mean barely surviving a containment breach. He was injecting TITAN into a spycrab and all hell went loose. He threw his can in the garbage and put on his sombrero (which could talk), ready to bash skulls with his trusty Sandman. He walked out of spawn and quickly realized that there was a spy crab migration nearby. He drank his Bonk! Atomic Punch and ran to the control point (that they were migrating to) and crouched, taking out his camera and taking pictures of the majestic creature s. An enemy baby sphee quickly joined him, examining the creatures, while trying to figure out how to use the disguise kit. Scoots smiled and spammed "Thanks" in the chat. But something was happening, his Scooter Senses were tingling! He turned around and saw a sniper about to shoot the Baby Sphee! He leaped in front of the Sniper, while he still had his Bonk! effect on! After he was shot (which did nothing) he beat the living Saxton Hale out of his smug little australian face. He noticed he had a paper in his pocket... "Baby Sphee Hunters United: Looking for hire. Kill Baby Sphees and being their corpses to us and we will pay you. Upcoming events: Raiding of Sphees are We HQ". Scoot was horrified by this, but suddenly a lightbulb magical appeared above his head and he got an idea. Scoot took out his iBonk 4 and called his taskforce of Tf2nimal protectors to escort the baby sphee and the spycrabs to a giant facility that took TF2nimals in and took care of them. Then he shot a Gibus Engineer in the face. ______ "This...is a bucket." Scoot dropped a pure australium bucket on the table in his living room. As him and his friends were having a "meeting". In his home. In the basement. That was also a living room. That was also a bar. That was also a nuclear bomb silo. "Dear God...." Soldoor the Direct Hit wielding Soldier said, in moderate surprise. And the word "moderate" makes no sense alongside surprise, but who cares, this is America! Freedom! "There's more-" "No..." Scoot stared at Soldoor for a good five seconds, but returned to his speech. "This contains the names of three very important people in a criminal organization that kills baby sphees. Each one of us will pick a card and go after that person." "Well this is gonna be fun." Shneeper chuckled, and laid his feet against the table. "After this, we break into their HQ. And arrest every single person there and make their evil empire crumble!" "Um, Scoot, how exactly did you get this information?" Spoi the Frenchman flicked his cigarette into a nearby trashcan. "Google. And Yahoo Answers. Anyways, let's pick a card." Scoot dumped all three cards onto the rare Pyroshark wood table, which was made from a tree that had a living pyroshark in it. In fact, the pyroshark is still alive in that table and is forced to watch his owner eat delicious food every single day of it's miserable existence. He flipped the cards on their backs and switched them around like it was one of those games where you put a rock or something in a can and move it around. But with cards. Shneeper picked a card, and he was assigned to "Doktor Pootis", a crime boss and an expert sandvich scientist. "Crikey! I remember this guy from the news!" Spoi picked a card, which was "A can of beans". And it actually was a can of beans, a sentient, living, can of beans. Spy tucked the card away in this suit. Soldoor took a card, and he got a cardboard box. Because there was no third person. "Prepare to feel pain you cardboard menace!" ______ Shneeper was eating a hotdog at a nearby hotdog stand that was on Earth. It was a good hotdog. It tasted like a dog. But with ketchup. And hotdog. But then he realized he had to assassinate someone so he threw the hotdog into some poor sap's face which instantly shattered his spine and skull. Spoi was in his mansion, in his smoking room, drinking a glass of wine and browsing /b/. Spoi heard a beeping, and pulled out his trusty iSphee 5. Spoi grinned and got up from his chair, and equipped his revolver, disguise kit, cloak and dagger, and kunai. "Let's go practice medicine." Why he said medicine is beyond me, maybe he was role-playing as the Medic, who knows? It's the Spy. Soldoor was at his apartment, which wasn't really an apartment at all, it was a yard full of scrap metal, WW2 tanks, mannequins with Nazi clothing on (and sporting a harpoon through the head), and American propaganda pasted everywhere. "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!' Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor!" "The he took his fight money and bought two of every meme on the planet, and them he herded them onto a boat and forced the crap out of every single one!" Soldoor stared at the mannequins for a good while, until one of their heads slid off. "And that's why when there's a bunch of memes in once place it's called a cringe," "Unless it's a tumblr!" "Oh, what's that, watermelon with a face on it? I have to defeat the invading cardboard menace? Better dead than very light brown or very dark brown or whatever the color is depending on the type of box it is! Move out men!" Soldoor grabbed his Direct Hit, shotgun, and marked gardener, as his imaginary army followed him to the Carboard Menace. _______$$ It was midnight, and Prof. Sandvich was giving a speech about the importance of sandwiches to the economy. He was outside, being guarded by two Skulldozers. "And zhat is vy Heavy is Spy! Anyway, Sandvich is good!" Shneeper was at his post, his crosshair staring directly into his frontal lobe. "Stand still, wanker..." Shneeper finally fired the shot, but instead hits a Bulldozer walking in front of him. "Aw, piss!" The Bulldozer was stunned, but shook his head and pulled out a machine gun. "Bulldozer! Out of the way!" Suddenly, three red dots appeared on Shneeper's face. "Piss." He jerked his head out of the way, all three shots missing and hitting a UFO. Shneeper rushes out of the rooftop, heading down the stairs of the rooftop door. Suddenly, a Cloaker jumps in his way, "This is what we call a difficulty tweak!" Shneeper, not wanting to murder a cop, holsters his rifle and throws a punch at the cloaker, who dodges. "What kind of weak throw was that?!" The cloaker roundhouse kicked him, but Shneeper catches his foot. "Oh sh-" Shneeper finally gets to the bottom of the building, and kicks the door down, an entire SWAT van waiting for him. "You are up against the wall, AND I AM THE LAW!" shouted a Bulldozer with a rocket launcher aiming at Shneeper. He gulped and put his hands up. "Cuff em bo-" suddenly, a UFO crashed into the group of cops and sent them flying across the city. "Ow". Shneeper, staring into space and pondering as to why that happened, realized he had to subdue Prof. Sandvich, who was walking down the side walk. Shneeper threw jarate at him and punched him in the face, before Sprodermen shooting a web at Prof. Sandvich and sending him to the moon where he could colonize the galaxy for no real reason. Shneeper crossed his arms and walked back home, pondering about his life, reality, what the hell just happened, and if that Cloaker is still screaming. There it was, the Jarate Town Canned Beans factory. Spoi had arrived at the scene, making his way towards the back door. "Hey, who the hell-" Spoi throat stabbed the guard, instantly knocking him unconscious. He lock picked the door and went inside, to see hundreds of workers slaving away to make beans. He took out his disguise kit and disguised as a worker. "Hey you, move this box of beans to Sector A. Now." The manager threw the box into his hands, Spoi assumed it was either beans or drugs. Whatever it was, he went to Sector A and slid the box into his suit and left a fake box with a cupcake in it. He made his way to the Mananger's Lounge, he got Intel of the beans being there. He slammed open the door, probably gravely injuring the poor thing. "Gentlemen." The men in the room were playing Poker, and it seemed they didn't like to get interrupted as a bulk bodyguard was ordered to escort him out and to beat the hell out of him. Spoi simply snapped his neck. "Woah there pal, I'll give you anything you want man!" The beans pleaded. "Wire all of your money into my bank account." "All of it-" Spoi pulled out his revolver, "Okay okay..." After a while he closed his laptop. "It's done!" Spy checked his account on his phone, "Thanks." He promptly picked up the australium can swallowed it's contents. "Mmm, spicy. Just ze way I like it." He left the room, with the can, as the people inside wondered what the hell just happened, and all was well. "Alright men, we're here!" Soldoor said to his imaginary friends. They were at a box factory. "The Box Menace has made this place it's base of operations! We must put a stop to these maggots! Charge!" Soldoor stopped hiding behind a conveniently placed rock and shot multiple rockets at the boxes, and started beating the crab out of the boxes. Soon he found a box on a throne. "You are the king of boxes! Prepare to feel pain, maggot!" Soldoor smacked the box in the (face?), and started demolishing the factory screaming American propaganda and "Maggot!" stuff "Aperture Science? The hell is that?" "They used to make shower curtains for the Army, and then they tried to make portals in a salt mine." The older MTF put on his helmet, and put a silencer on his P90 submachine gun. "20 years ago, they just...stopped. No one heard anything from them anymore." The squad was moving to an abandoned testing facility, to recontain two escaped Dr. Wondertainment SCPs. They were followed by three Foundation Stryker tanks and helicopters, three snipers each. The main team were riding on a jeep, there was about four of them. M-12, 20 years old, and a sharpshooter. He was hired by the Foundation at a young age and worked as a guard, but was later trained and sent to serve MTF-Meta-20. M-13, 19 years old, and was hired two weeks ago. He was hired as a scientist, but was reassigned to MTF when he survived a containment breach and killed 12 Class D personnel with a pistol. And recontained three dangerous SCPs. M-15, 37, ex-Navy. Nobody really knows how he got into MTF, he just did. He's also crazy. And last (but not least) M-90, the commander. He's 29, worked for the Foundation for a good seven years. He's seen it all, a quite tormented man. None of them know each other of course. ______ "Do you know why you're here?" "No, not really." Purple Guy replied, on the last seat on the round table. "Because you people are some of the most influential people and or criminals I've ever seen." Gman rolled around in his chair. "Um, I'm just some serial killer from a cancerous video game with a rare skin disease?" "You're only here because I received a bunch of toast from Gordon Freeman and I'm allergic to gluten." "Oh." "And by influential I mean powerful. Dr. Calico, for example, you have an entire army with military equipment! And Purple Guy, you....eat bread, and we can't forget about...Who are you?" "Polka Dot Man." "...Okay then, you have...polka dots...This was a disaster..." Suddenly, the door was knocked down and out came a Blu Spy with wielding a sword, with two others behind him. "We're here for the hiring." "Okay, and what do you do?" "We come from the League of Bad Villains. This is Thursday Rubinstein, and Miss Army Knife." "You have an entire army of bad villains? That is...a lot of awful fire power, but it's more cannon fodder for the enemy...Yes, you're hired. Everyone in this room is hired. Three bars of australium and Combine technology an hour." "What is this job, anyway?" Purple Guy asked, eating from a box of toast. "Taking back Gman land from the Combine." ______$$ "Are we ready?" G-Man asked. "I have 400 of my men ready to fight, along with 30 helicopters, and an emergency thermonuclear bomb." "We have 30 of our best awful villains ready to battle." "Good, we will teleport there....Right now." __________________________ "Alright, I can see three Combine snipers on the guard towers." Houston said through his ear piece. "Wait until Calico's army gets here." .............. "And they're here. Fire." Houston shot each sniper in the head with his silenced Glock. And then Calico's soldiers appeared in front of the Stronghold and opened fire at the Combine soldiers. "Spare those who surrender: I am still allies with the Combine." A helicopter shot down a Strider, and a gunship shot down a helicopter. _______________________ "Hunters!" Houston shouted, and shot another metrocop. They broke into the Stronghold. There was only 80 Gman casualties. Miss Army Knife cut the legs off the Hunter with her army knife, and Houston and Calico's men proceeded to fight through the Stronghold. Until they surrendered or fled. They blew down the cafeteria doors, and had another gunfight with Combine Shotgunners. Most of them would fight against the army, and other metrocops would either play dead, hide, or just drop to the floor and hope nothing happens. And then this is a bad story. And then Gman smacked the bad guys with his briefcase. The Twonkies were safe. Twonkus 3 was safe. Everyone returned home. They ate pickles. The end. very Kong update "Three hours until we arrive at Minecraftia!" Sphee said on the intercom, the crew cheering. "Well, all we have to do now is wait to get to Earth." A snowtrooper said, and drank more whiskey before chucking it into the trash can. He got up and went to the barracks, but he heard something. "Hello?" He took out a flashlight and shined it on a spooky skery area. "Alright the-" "Oh my, yet another another victim of the disease." "what" a humanoid in a cloak and beak mask came out of the shadows. "now hold on ther buckarooni" The humanoid touched the snowtrooper's chest, and it did nothing. He then touched it again, and nothing. It then slowly backed away, muttering a "shit". ______ Batman cheered as his favorite football team, the Gotham Rogues, won against the New York Giants, Spider Man crying into his hands. "YEAH! GOTHAM RULES!" He threw his popcorn in the air, making it fly all over the place, and then chugged down his beer and started eating thousands of hotdogs at once. "May you please ca-" Lephret asked, "THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I GET TO EAT FOOD LIKE THIS, PISS OFF!" _________ Earth, Butt-In-Burg, 2017..... "WHY IS MY BACON NOT BEING CORRECT" Scoots asked. His bacon was simply not being bacon. "???????" His pet xenoscout came to his assistance, but could not figure out what was wrong with the bacon. "THE BAXON IS FNDJSKSKDJHFNDNXBHUWISNDB" ______________ Captain Phasma was currently cooking bacon, large amounts of bacon. And giving crew members a bunch of bacon. Because bacon. Batman was eating the booty. Father was eating the bacon. Lephret was eating the bacon. Hell, even bacon was baconing the bacon. Suddenly, the ship went topside and everything went flying everywhere, sending the crew (except Batman) sliding down the floor. Then it went back to normal. "What happened" Father screamed as his spine exploded and sent him into outer space, teleporting back. "Fuck off the Combine and started Bright of a million people who was a hot anime girl who is a penis" Sphee screamed and died but then came back to life. "We are being attacked by Blasbo Babbins!1" Phasma screamed as she was attacked by a Blasbo who had broken in by unknown means. Batman came to the rescue and hit the Blasbo in the face, shattering it's skull. "Help!" Three stormtroopers were cornered by Blasbos, they tried to fight back but there was too many of them. Spider Man then webbed up a bunch of Blasbos and ate them. "C'mere you dumbass Blasbo scum!!" Batman took a minigun and started wiping out Blasbos in bulk. Soon the invasion was over, leaving only three Blasbo survivors (who were kept in the living creature habitat on the lower levels of The Darkness). Interestingly, only two people died: Father and Sphee. __________ "MEDIC" Captain Phasma called out. "Ooh, ja?" A medic walked into the room with his medigun. "A STORMTROOPER TRIPPED AND BROKE HIS TOE" The trooper was screaming. _________ "Should I be awake for this?" The trooper asked, Medic inserting a heart into his toe. "Haha, no. While you still are, can you scream for no reason?" "AHHHHHHHHH" he then coughed up one of his lungs. "Don't be such a baby, lungs grow back!" He turned to his pet bird, "No ze don't." He opened his refrigerator, grabbing a new toe. "Kill me." A head of a clone of Commander Shepard pleaded. "Later." He then chopped the toe off the trooper, causing him to scream. The medic then inserted a brand new toe onto him. He then grabbed his medigun and shot it at his leg, causing the toe to grow onto his foot. "Woah, nice." "Now, let's go practice medicine." ________ "Are you sure this will work doctor?" "I have no idea!" He laughed maniacally and shot his medibeam onto the trooper, ÜberCharging him. "Hahahaha!" He threw his toe cast off and prepared 17 sandviches in a row, all while shooting at enemy incoming rats who cooked ratatouille. ______________ "I am hiring medics!" Doktor Moodic screamed, handing out flyers. He had been inspired from his latest toe experiment. "What?" A monotone-like voice asked out of the shadows. "I AM HIRING DOCTORS, ARE YOU DEAD?! I PROMISE I VILL HEAL YOU!" Moodic screamed into the pitch black hallway. The mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows. "Can I join!" "JA! BUT I VECOMMEND YOU GET A HEARING AID!" He grabbed the cloaked man's head and screamed into his ear. ______________________ Father, Lephret, Spider Man, Batman, Indiana Jones, Doktor Moodic and his newest apprentice, Captain Phasma, and TR-8R were decked in astronaut suits; and equipped with FN-P90s. "Landing on Planet TX-220 in T-minus 30 seconds. _____________ The Darkness slowly latched onto the square planet, with hooks on the bottom that are collapsible. "Anchors in place. Opening air lock door thing." The crew were now armed with masks, as no one has ever visited Minecraftia, the air may be toxic. "Ze door is opening gentlemen, I wish you luck!" Sphee waved at the gang, and saluted (Batman waving back). The door slid up, and the team jumped down to the ground (Spiderman falling because there were no trees and Batman gliding down). ---- Batman dive bombed down, pushing animals away. "Woah..." Batman turned around, and looked in disbelief. Everything was made of blocks. Everything was square: not a circle in sight. The animals were blocky! He came towards a cow, and stabbed it to death with a batarang just for giggles. Instead of falling over, it turned into a cloud an a slice of meat appeared, floating in mid air. "Wat" He grabbed the meat, and took a bite out of it. "Mmm, tastes like chicken..." Moodic was extremely confused, and all he could do was heal animals in hopes of comprehending what was happening. His apprentice just touch things and they died. Father dropped to the ground, and looked around. Everything was square, and it appeared to be a grassy area with lots of....tree looking things. "It looks like one of them vidya games...." Jones said. "Call of Duty." He took out his whip and whipped the ground, causing the dirt to break apart and leave nothing but a small square brown block floating into the ground. He came towards the block, and it disappeared. "What the hell..." He felt something in his pants, and reached inside and pulled out the block. "Wot" he threw it on the ground, and it attached to the ground like it's original form. "Interesting..." Jones then started beating the ground, his pants soon exploding because of all the dirt. "Let's spread out; explore. See if we can find the locals." Father said, and pulled up his watch. "This right here has a built in GPS, so we'll be able to find each other." "Alright...." Spider Man said, coughing and struggling to get off the ground. And Batman had already disappeared. _________ Father approached one of the trees, while the rest of his team took partners. He put his gun away, and decided to figure out how to take it. He licked it, and got a splinter. Didn't work. He then rubbed his ass on it, did nothing but slightly arouse the tree. He then punched it, and it broke apart. But just one part of the tree. The rest stood in place; even though the middle was gone. The broken wood came towards him and teleported into his backpack, making a "pop!" sound. He then punched the rest of the tree, collecting the whole tree. He then punched the leaves, making an item that looked like an Apple fall down. He caught it, and decided to eat it. It tastes two times juicier and sweeter than a regular apple. He then punched the rest of the leaves in hopes of getting more apples. _______$$ "Ah, you're here!" A man in a hooded jacket got up from a broken down couch and chucked his flip phone across the room. "Agent 47, I presume?" He approached the suited bald person. "Oh, not the talking type I see. Anyway, kill him." He shoved a picture of Bob Pepperonos into his face. ______________ Jones and Phasma were climbing a blocky mountain, trying to find locals. "Hey, over there....It looks like a.....city..." Phasma pointed in the distance. "Great find sunny boxy, now let's go." ___________ Batman was gliding and jumping off trees, trying to find any sign of intelligent life. "Oracle, I'm download Cowl Mode #38 for me." He said into his ear piece. "Bruce, you told me that was a virus...." "It is. But it was installed by the Foundation." "Bru-" he shut communications off and continued jumping across the land. And then he noticed that it was being downloaded on his HUD. Batman then saw a structure in the distance. He grappled onto a tree and continued onwards to it. _______ Lephret and TR-8R were walking alone in a forest like area. No signs of life yet. Expect for the occasional pig. "What is that..." TR pointed at a giant, tall structure in the sky. "Looks like a dungeon.." ______ Batman was running towards the structure when an arrow flew onto his shoulder. He stopped and pulled it off, and looked beside him, and saw a skeleton with a bow hiding beside a tree. Batman then threw a batarang at it and ate the skeleton. "Yum." He took the bow, which was also pixelated, and hid it in his pants for save keeping. He then spotted a cave opening, and decided to investigate it. It was dark, so Batman turned on his night vision and explored. He spotted two strange looking blocks on the walls of the cave, with black spots all around it. Batman decided to punch it, and out came tiny black pieces. After licking it and shoving it up his ass, he realised it was coal. He put it in his pocket and broke the grey pieces around it, and realised it was stone. He then pulled a stick out of his booty and stuck the stone onto it, forming a pickaxe. He then went crazy and mined every shiny thing he found. After two hours, he left the cave with six bars of solid gold and two blocks of aconite. He then remembered the structure and continued on. ---- Batman arrived at the structure, it was now midnight. And he discovered that it was actually a city, and the tall structure he saw was actually a church. Maybe. He sat atop the church, unseen. And eating from a jar of peanut butter. Most of the inhabitants of the village were blocky, like the animals. They appeared to have one giant arm that connected with each other, a fat Squidward nose, and different color clothing. The villagers then started to flee, as green blocky humanoids started to invade the town. They started knocking down doors and biting villagers, causing Bats to go ape shit. He glide kicked a zombie, knocking it out instantly, and beat the everloving shit out of the green skinned thugs. He was apparently aided by a tall grey creature that seemed to be a robot. After he broke the bones of every thug there, the sun was already up. The villagers came out of their houses and greeted the caped crusader. "Hrrr, how may we, hrrr, repay you strange visitor?" A citizen with purple clothes asked. "I need some directions." ___________ "What" Moodic thought as he healed a glob of poo that was dropped by a cow. "This is not vorking" he said to himself. He took out his bonesaw and had a seizure. "AHDHJFNDJAODJFHDOA" His apprentice sighed and continued dissecting a dead pig and reanimating it. ______________ Batman was laying on a bed, without his armor, and being fed grapes by a sexy female villager and having other villages waving his cape on him. He then got a call on his watch. "Bruce, where are you?" Father asked. "Being worshipped by the locals." "Why didn't you call me?" "Because I work alone." "Bru-" Batman shut the watch off and continued relaxing. ________ Phasma and Jones were running to the village, but Phasma tripped. "Why u always trippin boi" Indie said and helped her up. But then Jones was shot by a high impact sexual violence. "Ahhh" "Dr. Jones!" Phasma took out her P90 and shot the shooter from across the map like a CSGO pro and helped Indie up. "Oh my" Indie screamed in pain, and Phasma injected some bacta in him with a syringe from her medkit. "The ogres know we're here!" Indie shouted under his breathe. Suddenly, an Ogre Empire star cruiser appeared sending an army of ogres with miniguns to their area. Indie grabbed his whip and Phasma drew her sub machine gun and opened fire upon the dirty ogres. But an ogre appeared behind Phasma and slit her throat. "NOOO" Indie screamed and jumped onto the ogre, beating the shit out of it. Two ogres restrained Indie. "YOU MONSTERS, YOU EVIL MONSTERS!" He screamed and kicked, trying to break free from the clutches of the evil monsters. But then two of the ogres were shot point blank, by a humanoid that looked like the Iron Golem that Batman encountered but looked human instead of blocky. The ogres panicked and put a strange medal like object on Indie's chest, making him teleport away. And then the other ogres got shot. ___________ Phasma woke up, finding herself in a bacta tank. _________ Yes I put Mob Talker into this Rip __$__$____$ Batman was having sexual intercourse with a hot humanoid skeleton girl while watching Minecraft's Got Talent on TV. He then got a call on his watch thing. "Why did you hang up on me?" Father screamed. "Because I'm Batman." He ate a handful of popcorn. "Indie's vitals went off the charts, and so did Phasma, and we have no contact with either of them now." "Oh well." "Well you're a detective, and..." "Yeah, well I'm enjoying the time of my life. This is like a vacation. I RARELY HAVE VACATIONS" Batman screamed into the watch. "Uhn, Bruce-Senpai~" She moaned. "Are you doing it with an anime girl" "Maybe." He then shut the watch off (again) _______________ Indie woke up, still hurting from the high impact sexual violence. He was in a small room with corroded red walls, and a force field door. "Hey! Let me out!" He banged on the force field. Two ogre guards laughed and snorted at him. "Ey, look at the tiny baby man trying to escape!" They then lost their sides snorting. _________ Father was trying to get an apple, but it didn't work. "APLLES U Y DOS RHIS" he screamed. He then died and came back to life. __________ Moodic was walking around in circles, extremely confused. SCP-049 had already made an army of zombie pigs. "APPRENTICE, WE NEED TO GET OFF ZHIS LAND" he screamed at 049. "NO, VAIT" ...... "VE NEED TO MAKE AN HOSPITAL" Moodic then ran over to a cave and started mining with his bone saw. "VE SHALL MAKE HISTORY" ______________ Laura, the skeleton girl, was sleeping on Batman's chest. But then Batman heard screaming outside. He carefully removed her and, while still naked, jumped out the window "Muahahaha! I am Painis Cupcake, and I will eat you!" Painis Cupcake screamed and laughed as he destroyed buildings and killed villagers. "Not on my watch." Bruce jumped on Painis and slapped him. "NOOOOOO" Painis said and turned into a squirrel. Batman then took said squirrel and put it in the village's prison. Batman was praised again for this action and was given a trophy made of diamonds. ________ Phasma broke out of the bacta tube by punching the glass, and put on her chromium armor. He busted the door down and started shooting in the air with his machine gun, but was stopped by Batman (who cut the gun in half with his fists) "Batman?!" "I was the one who saved you, dumbass." "But wasn't she a gril...." "Oh yeah I touched SCP-113 on accident." __________ Moodic, having plenty of iron, gold, redstone, marble, and australium, started building the hospital. He was currently building the floor. SCP-049 decided to help him, by smelting the iron ore with a toaster he stole while in Site-19. ___________ Jones was trying to find a way to escape his cell, and found an air vent. The guards were distracted as they were still laughing their fat, green asses off. "Oh, zat slaps me on ze kne- Where'd he go?" ____________ Batman, Laura, and Phasma were leaving the village, waving to the villagers and Batman hauling a bunch of food and loot on his back. Batman has left a waypoint on the watch's GPS for Father and the other guys. They were heading out for an adventure of sorts. They traveled mountains, had threesomes every now and then, fought monsters, ate food (literally all of it), and had bacon. But when Batman arrived he found the giant bacon of legends. He was shocked. How was the bacon bacon. He asked. I don't know. Bacon said. Bacon then ate itself.lol. Batman was confused, but then continued on with his two companions. ______ Moodic had built the walls, floor, and roof of the hospital, and 049 was still smelting. "Apprentice, ve need to find ze medicine!" Moodic screamed at 049. He started heading off into the distance, using his nose to find pills. __________ Father was trying to climb up a mountain, but was dying of malnutrition because he couldn't find any apples. So he decided to eat the dirt. But that was a bad idea as under the dirt was an ants nest, so he screamed and banged his head on the ground and it looked that one scene from Indiana Jones. ___________ TR-8R and Lephret took a trip to the Bahamas because I can't think of anything. __________ Spider Man was still laying on the ground. But then he awoke when he heard strange moaning. He then got up and was spooked by a zombie and web shot it in the face and swung away in spooked. _________ Batman, Phasma, and Laura were pushing against a snow storm, Batman wearing his special white suit thing. "I see somethin-" Phasma was hit in the face by a giant rock. "nooo" Batman saved her and become the hero of ages. Batman then disintegrated. "Noooo" Laura cried and ate all the ashes of Batman, causing a Batman chestburster to burst out of her chest and become the a Xennobat. But then Batman slowly crawled out of the Xenobat, killing it. Laura then died and came back to life. Suddenly, everyone (except Jones, TR, and Lephret) teleported back to the ship, starting over this awful plot. "WHAT IS THA- o where am i" Spider Man said as he magically teleported back to the ship. "I don't know." Batman said, looking around. "It seems we are back at the ship." Batman said, sniffing on the closed door of the Darkness. "Well, all our stuff is gone." Phasma said, looking through an empty bag. "Nooooooooo!" Batman knelt and screamed into the sky. Father was long dead, his insides being eaten by the entire ant colony. But then Chuck Norris appeared and gave him CPR, reviving him and having a tasty snack of a bunch of ants in the process. Chuck Norris then disappeared. "I'm gonna-WHERES MAH GADGETZ" Batman screamed, failing to find his utility belt. "According to the GPS, in where Jones is." Father said. Batman cried, and punched a hole in the wall and decided to live in it. Bruce and Laura then had sex inside of it. ___$$$__$__ Father decided to ditch his space suit, and wear clothes made of dirt. He then continued went forward in a straight line assuming he would find something. Spider Man just webbed himself to the Darkness for safe plot keeping, and everyone did stuff. ___________ Batman was traveling with Laura, in a desert. Bats was sweating, as his armor isn't the coldest thing around. He didn't mind Laura having a sweaty shirt, though. Suddenly, a squirrel appeared. "I have cometh to thou to send thou on a quest." "What quest?" Bats bent down and stared at the squirrel. "Thou must retrieve thou scrolls in thou Castle of Doom." the squirrel said and handed Batman a map. "Thou must defeat thou evil queen and loot thou loot thing and thou scroll will be there in thou thou thou thou." The squirrel said. "Sure." Batman slapped the squirrel and stuffed the map in his own ass. "Laura, to adventure!" He then ran across the land in search of thou scrolls. ____________ Indiana Jones has successfully broken out of his cell. And was heading for the exit. But then he realised.... Jones headed for the cafeteria, and sneakily choked out a guard. He opened the door and shot up the place with an AK-47 from the dead ogre. He then found a stash of cheeseburgers and ate from it. ___________ "Dear God, I need water!" Batman screamed into the sky. There was no water in sight. "CURSE YOU DESERT" he screamed onto the sand, turning it to glass. He then took the glass and screamed at it, turning into a bottle. He then ran over to a pit of lava and filled the glass with lava and drank from it. "Mmmm, finally." Laura was completely 100% confused. "Dammit, amino grils can't drink lava!" He crushed the bottle with his fists of justice. He then saw a cow, and beat the crap out of it and juiced its fabulous utters. He then had a bottle of milk, but then he realised: He had no bacon. Batman cried, mourning the bacon. Why the bacon was gone, he did not know. Laura comforted him and stole the milk at the same time. _____________ "Let me out! I need to feed Donkey!" Shrek cried, chained to the walls. He was then electrified by two ogre guards. "We will harness your power, Shrek...And take over the world!" A bald ogre twirled his moustache and laughed maniacally. "And I will take Donkah and eat him!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" __________ Father was roaming the land, in search of the true meaning of life. _________ Two guards at the entrance. Thirteen guards in the heavy containment chambers, and only three roaming around. Plenty of researchers, too. "Hey, it's pizza- Who is that-" 47 grabbed their heads and smashed them into each other, and dragged their bodies into a bush. Category:Blog posts